i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
