We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
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