I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
