The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
