Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
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dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
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I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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