i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Two words: blizzard sex
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
