yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
