well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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