I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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