Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
