Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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