Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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