I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
