Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
