U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
