My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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