Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
