the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
