I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
