yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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