There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
then he tried to convert me to islam
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
