it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
