so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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