cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
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