Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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