Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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