Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
