oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
