Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
