Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?

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(250): View more from British Columbia

i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.

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(312): View more from Illinois

so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?

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(705): View more from Ontario

Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.

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(240): View more from Maryland

the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th

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(216): View more from Ohio

All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?

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(513): View more from Ohio

Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick

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