Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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