im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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