We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
