At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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