Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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