I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
