i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
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Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
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You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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