Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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