literally had 100 drinks last night.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Vodka?
Forever.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
