He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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