I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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