i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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