last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
