The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
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That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
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I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.