Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.