We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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