Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
