don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
