dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
