the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
