hotel room ftw
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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