Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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