My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
