thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
