you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
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This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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