I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
