The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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