what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
