Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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