I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
