So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
