If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
