Will you blow on my dice?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
