You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
