dude i'm inner monologue high
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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