what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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