I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I want her autograph on my taint
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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