Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
