while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
