U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
