Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
